So voting for the 2016 UK Blog awards closed at 9pm today, that's it, voting done, it's now time to sit and wait to see if we made the final. Yes I said we and I sincerely mean we, it's not just me, not anymore, it's a sarcoma thing, a sarcoma community thing!
This blog was not intended for "public consumption" when I wrote that first chapter, Diagnosis and the reality sets in back in July, this was to be my document of my story. I was going to write down my thoughts, feelings and experiences and then when, because back then it was only about when it was coming back I couldn't think of another outcome, when it came back and that it was my time I would leave a link to this page with the people who love me and they would then access it and be able to see my feelings and know my story, warts and all, a story to remember me by along with the memories we created together. It was important to me that they knew that no matter how bad it got I always fought for them, to stay with them because believe me now and always I will fight for those I love and their happiness. I still get scared and feel guilty when I think of not being here but they would know how much I loved them and how hard I fought because they could see just how hard I found this fight. So what changed? I was encouraged to post it, I was encouraged to share it and it was because of that faith in this story and what it could do for others that Sarcoma and Me was turned public and it went out into the world. I can still remember how nervous I felt when I pressed publish for the first time, I wasn't sure I was making the right decision, what if it was only me who felt like this? what if people told me I was stupid for feeling that way? How would I have felt then? Those first couple of weeks were a blur post after post as my thoughts tumbled from my head and onto these pages. I didn't realise during those weeks what was happening but as time went on and the post count went up I realised I was helping myself. All of those bottled up thoughts, fears, memories and issues were not bottled up anymore. I was telling people about them, OK not very many, but I had started and it felt good to do it. It felt like I was taking some control back, that I could feel some of those bad feelings leaving me. They will never all leave, I accept this, there will be relapses, just like last week but this blog has introduced me to people who when they see I'm struggling a quick message is sent and that touches me, it makes me realise that this blog has brought new friends into my life and somehow changed me to allow that to happen. I'm grateful to have them I really am. When I linked it to my twitter account it started to spread quicker and I noticed more and more views from more visitors, then some of those people started to contact me. They told me there stories, asked me about mine, they explained how they had felt the same as me, thought the same things and had the same fears. I couldn't believe it, I wasn't a failure for struggling, I wasn't weak for not being strong everyday, my life was others lives, my fears were others fears. This made me see I wasn't a failure or weak, I wasn't alone, others weren't always positive, others were scared, we are allowed to be, it's OK to have bad days. Every time I saw the visitor and page view numbers go up I felt a mixture of pride and humility. Pride because well because I'm hoping together we can acheive something with this blog and the more that people read it, share it, they see they are not alone from it, changes how the outside world sees sarcoma because of how rare sarcoma is compared to the others. Humility because in comparison to others, and I know I say we are all unique in our journeys, but I know others have a lot more to bear than me and they do, no fuss, no fanfares they just keep fighting and they inspire me to do the same. I guess what I want to say is I am grateful, for those who read this blog, who share this blog, who tell their friends about it and especially those who have voted to get us to London. Yes us because if we get there, wow, we have a new forum to talk sarcoma, to raise awareness, to tell our stories. That's why this is a sarcoma community thing, because it was the sarcoma community that got this blog that far. Thank you. Sincerely. Thank you. It means a lot.
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Darren EvansOn Feb 11th 2013 my life changed forever when I was diagnosed with a myxoid liposarcoma of the right thigh. This is my version of my life since then. Archives
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