My last post was New Year's eve and at that point I think I had found some peace and I thought finally some acceptance of what had happened and that it would allow my mind to move forward.
2016 was a big year for me, I went past 3 years NED, I felt part of a community, the wonderful sarcoma community, I had people who really cared for me in my life, it had started with a feeling that I was getting stronger and finished with a trip to Downing St that left me proud and humbled. As the year ended and I looked back on it as always and I saw that I was someone different, I've talked before about the new normal but this seemed different to that, I couldn't quite put my finger on it exactly but something just wasn't me, I just wasn't me. I looked at myself, looked at my life and just thought about where I was from where I had been. I was stronger, mentally I knew I was stronger than I had been for a long time, I was attending my check ups alone, my scanxiety was bad but still controllable, I was part of the sarcoma community, I could think about Sarcoma every day I still do but the fear wasn't crippling anymore. All this had come from the strength of those closest to me, the ones that loved me, the patience of those that supported me when I was at my lowest and could see no future, the friendship of people who have been through the same fight as me, the messages I had received through this blog. I also discovered that there were parts of my life that brought nothing into it, my job, some so called friends, just things that made me see that I was at best just accepting anything I was just muddling along, I wasn't doing my very best to live the life I promised myself when I won my battle. The war continues, the threat of recurrence is always there, but I was NED and as I was getting stronger these last 2 years I had made plans and I wasn't chasing them I wasn't going after my dreams. So first a new job, a fresh start, a new set of goals, a new set of plans and a new effort to live, a time to fully determine and accept the new normal and to embrace it. I've returned to this blog because I guess there is still some thinking to do, some things I need to process, there are definitely check ups to come and maybe even more battles and I guess that's why this story isn't over......
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Darren EvansOn Feb 11th 2013 my life changed forever when I was diagnosed with a myxoid liposarcoma of the right thigh. This is my version of my life since then. Archives
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