So why is probably a fair question and it's a decision I still don't know if I have got right. This blog was initially just going to be for me, but I decided that if it was on the internet that my kids would always have a way to look back at their Dad and see what he thought and how he felt even if I wasn't there. I showed it to a close friend and they told me it was something I should share, they had been moved by what I had written and they felt I needed to share it. They told me that others would have felt the same way, would have thought the same things, had the same fears and if they knew someone else did, imagine how that might help them!
I thought back to the beginning, the fear, the confusion, the panic attacks and the tears. I didn't want to speak to anyone about how I felt and what was going on, but if I could of read what I was feeling was being felt by someone else, if I had seen that someone else had cried non stop for 2 hours, had been physically sick every time they thought about having cancer or watched their kids sleep wondering if they will see them grow, well then maybe I wouldn't have felt so alone. If I had heard of Sarcoma, knew the symptoms and what they meant, maybe I would have gone to the doctors sooner, who knows, but what if by reading this someone else realises that a lump needs checking, could it mean treatment before mets? Who knows but if we get this message out by any means necessary, then maybe just maybe someone does go to the doctors early. So I published it, I shared it and to my surprise people started reading it. They sent me messages telling me that they had felt and were feeling that way, they thought that way and were pleased to see someone else was thinking and feeling the same. This didn't just help them it helped me, it has helped me find a place in the Sarcoma community, it has given me new friends, it has helped me attend a support group, it has helped me make the decision to live my life without fear as much as I can. I am so grateful for the support this blog has received so far because that support has felt like support for me and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart, I really do. The other reason for this blog was to raise awareness of Sarcoma. I had never heard of it before I was diagnosed, people around me had never heard of it until I was diagnosed and I would bet it was the same for you too. I'm guessing at present the majority of people who read this blog have been touched by sarcoma and that's great, that you are reading not that you had sarcoma..., but I want to get to those who haven't. The ones who look at me like I'm mad when I say I had "muscle cancer" and there are other sarcomas like bone and GIST. They look at me when I say the average tumour size at diagnosis is that of a tin of beans in horror. They always ask just before I leave them "What was it called again, Sarcoma, right?" By entering these awards I have a chance to put the word sarcoma into another forum. The people who are looking for their blogs or looking for a blog to vote for will see the word sarcoma and hopefully if they don't know what it means they will open the blog, read it and learn the word. They may talk about it at work, at home, at the pub, who knows where but every time it's said it's a chance for someone to get those strange feelings, lumps and symptoms checked. It points someone who has it in the direction of someone else to talk to, someone else to listen to them, that's what I want this blog to do. So that's why, it really isn't for me, I'm happy with me and where I am at present in my sarcoma journey , well as happy as I can be anyway. What I hope is that when voting opens in January we can mobilise a sarcoma army. I hope we can get as much support and as many votes as possible to get sarcoma out into this years blog awards circle, let's get it talked about, let's get some more support for those going through it. And if you do like this blog, if it has helped you or someone you love realise that your or their thoughts and feelings aren't strange or different then you need to thank my friend as well. I don't think they would want to be named but it was them telling me how it had moved them that made me turn it public, that made me share my story with you all. I know I will always be grateful for them making me do it. I want to thank all of you who have read and supported it since as well and I really hope you will continue to support this blog in the awards. Thank you.
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Darren EvansOn Feb 11th 2013 my life changed forever when I was diagnosed with a myxoid liposarcoma of the right thigh. This is my version of my life since then. Archives
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